something's missing

CNY has passed us again. This is the n-th CNY that I have celebrated. It seems as years go by, CNY has become more and more boring. What is missing here?

When I visited my housemate, boong's house somehow I felt the feeling of CNY is back. Relatives all gathering and having dinner together, the atmosphere was full of joy and laughter, having to compete for food in the steamboat. Going out for supper at nite with the whole car load of relatives. The closeness of the bond between family members, cousins alike. Somehow that has been lost on my side. I was emo when I stayed overnight at his house. I felt that this is what CNY was and is supposed to be. What has happened nowadays that my family seems to lost it? I don't feel the closeness anymore. Where has it gone to?

I miss the time where my uncle used to bring me around at nites before CNY, I miss the midnight temple visit, I miss the lion dance troupe that always performed at my grandma's house, I miss a whole bunch of things that I couldn't list. Somehow nowadays we just gather but we hardly talk to each other, the house seems crowded with people but empty of soul at the same time. Am I the only one who couldn't move on?

The emptiness is frustrating, laying on my bed through the whole CNY, feeling extremely bored. Everyone seems to be getting very busy with their work nowadays, some don't even have time to come back for CNY. Where's the new year song? I hardly can listen to them anymore.

Why is everywhere open for business? What happened to the days when even shopping complexes close for the 1st day of new year? It seems nobody cares anymore, they just want to earn as much as possible, thats all.

Undeniably as years passed on, my angpao has gotten more and more but I would rather trade it all with what has been lost. House visiting has gone stale too. Wheres the bak gua? I cant see them anymore?

My mind's jumbled up, I don't know how to type anymore.

I just want it all back! I wish to have the OLD CNY! Arghhh. I just feel like screaming.